Dear will,

I hope this note finds you once I am gone. When an autopsy is completed, you will see that there is no cocaine in my system. Do a hair follicle test..you will find that I have never touched cocaine. You took away my only strength in this world. You took away my little boy. You replaced me..with another woman whom my son..MY SON calls ( Read more... )

Today is a hard day. I can already tell it's going to be a rough day. All I can think about is my little boys voice. Saying "mommy" and "I love you" I need him so badly. I just want him to be in my arms..I need hi to know I still love him. I can't live like this..without my son. I feel so worthless. I feel like..I must be an unfit mother because I ( Read more... )

Sitting in the er. Fixing to get a cocktail of pain meds. Sweeeeet. And a prescription for some pain meds for migraines. Finally. Hopefully they make me feel good for therest of the day and then give me good meds to create my own cocktail. Why does the thought of death not scare me? Why do I not feel guilty about wanting to end my life? It's like ( Read more... )

Well..for the time being I am still alive. I haven't been able to get my hands on an Xanax yet so in about an hour I'm making a trip to the er with migraines..in hopes of getting some pain pills. That mixed with the alcohol should have the same reaction. We will see.

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I have never been so depressed in my life. Everyday for a few weeks now, since Liam was taken away from me..I have thought about the least painful way to end my life. I think I finally figured it out. Xanax and alcohol. The Xanax will knock me out..I just have to drink enough before I black out and hopefully I just won't wake up.

In the event that ( Read more... )

Sometimes I feel like..no matter what..I will never be good enough. We have sex on a daily basis and this is the third day we haven't had sex when he's told me everyday that we would. I found a picture of a chick on his phone and she's pretty..it's a girl he works with. I could never compare with her. I'm fat. I have stretch marks. In the beginning ( Read more... )

Dear god, please keep me safe. I hate it when he gets drunk like this..he scares me.

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Ah! There are some times I just need to pull my hair and scream. Why do guys insist o lying to you..even though there is no reason to lie?! About something so stupid. I created a status on Facebook and tagged my boyfriend in it..and he deleted it from showing up on his page. I know he deleted it because I have tagged him in posts before an it ( Read more... )

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I never update anymore..really never update. I can't believe that I haven't updated since 2009. I've posted in some communities as whatnot but not updated my journal. I'm a mess, an utter mess. My ex husband is trying to take our son away from me..and it's been the most heartbreaking thing I've ever had to go through. Most days I don't even want to ( Read more... )